Book Review: Habits of a Peace Maker

 

I'm a middle child, the only girl surrounded by two brothers whom I love dearly. They are thirteen years apart which caused several misunderstandings and silly sibling squabbles between them. Even as a young kid, I felt it was my duty to smooth things over and keep the peace. It made me sad to see them not get along. 

Luckily for me, they get along much better as adults, but it seems the world around us has become much more adversarial. One group hating on another, whether it's political, religious, racial, or nationality based.

Just like with my brothers, these conflicts and quarrels make me sad. 

When my daughter recently recommended, Habits of a Peace Maker, by Steven T. Collis, I felt compelled to read it right away.  

Mr. Collis's focus is on teaching people to listen to one another with respect and humility. The point isn't that we should all agree, it's more about getting closer to understanding one another. It's a quick read and the strategies are relatively simple and common sense, but I think we need this reminder. I know I have lost sight of it at times.

I read one negative review of the book commenting on how the author doesn't talk enough about global peace initiatives. Personally, I felt the book was written more to give us non-diplomat people some new habits and strategies to be able to better get along with our old Uncle Jerry at Thanksgiving, or our neighbor, or our older parents who we have tendencies to bicker with about politics, etc, maybe we even let some nasty words slip from our mouths. 

I'm guilty of it, and I always regret it afterwards. I deeply love these people, why can't I let these arguments go and simply show them my love for them?

Mr. Collis reminds us that heated arguments don't change people's minds, they usually just make them defend their positions more fervently and nothing is accomplished except creating more anonymity between the people. That doesn't mean don't talk about important subjects. He also demonstrates how to bring up more sensitive topics in ways that help bring us together to work toward solutions instead of tearing people further apart.

One of my favorite quotes in the book is, "For so many of the problems in this world, many of us are not in a position to make any true impact. But making someone else's day just a bit brighter is something we can do everywhere we go." 

This may be the only real way to change the world around us. 

I rate Habits of a Peace Maker 4 out of 5 stars. 

 

Have a wonderful day! 💕💕

Kathy

The Good Fight

Yesterday, Jess and I were talking about the never ending malicious behaviour of humans toward one another, in particular certain groups or societies against other groups or societies.  She asked me what I thought could be done.  I have no special qualifications to answer a such a question.  I’m simply a human, a mom, a wife, just like any other human living on this planet; from Sydney to Mumbai to Beirut to New York City.  I have the same hopes and dreams as anyone else.  But I’ve learned that when your 19 year old engages you in a discussion you cherish it and keep it going.  So I answered.  

Her main concern:  How do we fight against injustice among two groups of people? Is war/bombing the hell out of a place, the only way to stop the cycle of brutality and terror?  As a peace loving young adult she desperately wanted there to be another answer.  

Hmm.  As I write this, I realize I should have turned the question around for her to answer, to figure out on her own what could be done.  To have her really think about the problem and see what her infinitely creative mind could come up with.  But instead I had to give her my input.

I don’t think there is any one quick solution that will rid us of malicious behaviour of one group toward another.  No matter what is done there will always be people trying to gain power over another group, taking advantage of and using them for their benefit.  Magnifying differences among us to create inequalities.  Bombing or destroying “the enemy” only creates a new generation of  “enemies” to fight later.  

So is it a useless, Sisyphean task, of rolling the boulder uphill everyday only to watch it roll back down?  And do we even know which side is the “right” side?  We choose arbitrarily the side that aligns more with our own ideals and experiences, but there is not one group throughout history that has been totally innocent.  We all have a black mark on our record, so who is the real enemy?  

It is within ourselves.  It is the fears, resentments, jealousies, insecurities, and anger that we hold on to, the black spot within us all that is the real enemy.  Only when we defeat the cancer that is growing within can we look outside.  Is it an infinite task?  Sure, but each day as we strive to rid ourselves of darkness and do good in each moment, loving ourselves and one another, we bring ourselves and our world closer to a new and brighter dawn.    

What are your thoughts?

Kathy :)

Get out and make someone smile today!